shit! i thought im already healed. i thought i overcome it already. i had faced my life after that heartache. i tried to love again after that downfall but i failed. now i realized something. the pain did not faded, it only subsided. and now that she showed up again, making me feel that im still important to her and that she still cares the pain im feeling kills me. fuck! how i want to forget her but how can i do such if she conquers everything in me. She still owns my heart even though she had hurt me at the past. i want to break free from this pain. i want to cry until i have no more tears. i want to shout until i have no more voice. i want to hurt myself until i become numb by the pain. i really want to die. i cant handle the pain anymore. it hurts me so badly. it crushes my heart. the fact that she’s not mine anymore and she will never be mine again is fatal. i rather face death and die than to see her happy with another guy. anyways, it is also my fault. i loved her so much and gave her everything without even leaving something for myself. i thought she would be my life forever but it turns out to be that she became my karma. She is my greatest love and also my greatest pain. i want to see her. i want to hug and kiss her. i miss everything about her. but im afraid to see me cry in front of her. im afraid that my love will comeback and even the pain itself.